🔗 Share this article

Bog Standard

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and key events, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to find out that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And who can forget during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college to access the restrooms in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled through the school as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|